I’ve been working on my stories off and on these past weeks. I should be more focused if I want to make something publishable.
And therein lies the crux of the problem.
I love writing, love sharing stories and exploring worlds for the sake of understanding my own better….but approaching publication is a daunting issue on so many levels. At it’s simplest, it’s judgment of perceived worth. Go deeper and it becomes criticism of one’s ability to understand. It becomes further on, a trading of self for material gain. I could go on.
I’m not saying this is wrong to want any of these things or to get them. Even criticism can be wonderful and help one’s growth as both a writer and a person.
But it is placing the power over my own change and decisions into the hands of others, Ultimately, I do say “I want this” or “No, I don’t” but at what cost?
Some people might be offended at the concept of prostitution, but we all prostitute ourselves. We offer up parts of ourselves for perceived gain; financial, emotional, physical, etc.. We allow others to service our needs and offer them monetary rewards. We play both sides of the bedroom scene everyday of our lives. Not just women, not just men. And not just sex.
When sex is involved, it’s a crime. Though certain bodies of people have dictated a bunch of hoops (rituals and promises) to jump through. If you perform well, they’ll give you a piece of paper that says now it’s a good thing. But only with your stage partner. You want a different partner? Prepare yourself for a new production.
So publication…. I guess what it really comes down to is accepting. Writing for myself is masturbation, nice, warm, but it doesn’t feed me for long. Fanfic, fun as it can be, is emotionally gratifying most of the time, though sometimes the boyfriend is a prick and those tests for VD get expensive. A publishing house and an agent will provide a certain amount of protection from the vice squad, but I still have to stand on the street corner for more time than I’d like. Ah, but writing IS legal…. I just have to choose the right bordello, get my monthly exams, and deal with it.
I’m dealing. =)