What AM I doing?
Posted April 3, 2017on:
Life in limbo
At least, that’s how things seem to be lately. I mean, yes, I’ve been doing things… lots and lots of ‘things’. Most of those things involve time and activities with the Kidlet and the Hubby. And paperwork… lots and lots of paperwork too.
Emotionally I am in a bit of a funk because I realized (with some chagrin) that I’ll likely never achieve my dream of becoming a citizen of the UK. Want doesn’t really play a part in it… I mean, I want to very much. But logistically, I am not in a position to do such a thing and probably won’t be for so long that the feasibility of such a move goes down the toilet.
At least I get to live there vicariously for a few weeks at the end of this month. 🙂
But dreams of England aren’t the only things I’ve considered. Dreams of story are too. Trying to find them again, trying to reconnect to worlds that seem to be happy to fade into a distance of paying bills, planning budgets, driving, shopping for heavy-duty archeology trowels… and other people’s stories. Oh, that last one is actually a killer. I once thought I needed to read and see what others were writing and doing to fill my head with ideas and options, but… no. The more I immerse myself into the worlds of others (often without much enjoyment even), the harder it is to connect with my characters.
They’re like cats that way. They don’t take snubs well, and they don’t seem to get the idea that I’m just spending time elsewhere so I can be a better writer of their stories. I’m not even sure they care if I write their stories, just as long as I am dutifully enthralled by them. There’s a reason I used to think that Alanii’s alter-ego with feline. He’s corrected me on this matter many times, but… my cats are more like puppy-dogs than he is.
Which is why I took so long before setting out my ROW80 goals (today is officially the first day of Round 2 and I am just getting around to writing this post up)… I am still not sure what my goals are. I know how to set my goals, how to make them S.M.A.R.T., but I don’t know what I actually want to focus on or even achieve these days beyond get the “next thing done”. There seem to be so many next things, that I am driven to distraction just trying to get through a day. And when I do have those free moments that I once would have used for Those Five Sentences, I don’t write… I space out.
So, at least for this week (the nice thing about goals is that they can be adjusted), I have ONE goal:
Make a list of ten things I dream of doing and prioritize them by how much I want them, how long they will take to achieve and what steps I will need to follow to meet each one. And one caveat here… no “pay bills” goals here.
We’ll see where that gets me.