A Garden of Delights

Recovering a Sense of Self

Posted on: January 6, 2020

2019 was a crazy year.

I’m not complaining.  Crazy has it’s good points, especially when one is trying to understand her capabilities.  In the past few years I’ve learned more about myself and what I can do (and what I can’t), as well as what most inspires me to push myself to greater heights.

One of the things I didn’t learn was how to merge a busy life with my passions, nor how to add a necessary job search without pummeling myself with my social anxiety.  So…  when I had to get things set up for the ROW80 folks, I thought, maybe I should use that challenge to get back to myself while keeping hold of my new capability.

Now, the ROW80 tends to be about goal setting and accountability.  The last thing I wanted to do was set myself up for failure (and I’ve dropped out of too many ROWs in the past to say “oh, that can’t happen to me”).  But so many things are still in flux these days….  I realize I cannot commit to goals the ROW80 S.M.A.R.T. way, certainly not for a whole Round of Words.

So I’m doing my Round 1 a bit different.  I’m setting weekly goals and once a week check-ins (as opposed to the ROW80 standard of twice weekly).  This past year I found blogging (which I need to do as the challenge’s webmaven) more of a creative energy drain than ever, and then adding in check-ins and being “social” on social media…

I couldn’t do it.

But I want to try again.  I’m in a different place now, both in having completed a move and having reassessed my priorities (and years of accumulated “stuff” in the packing and unpacking stages).

So here goes…

Week 1 of ROW80 Round 1 2020

  • I will head to a local temp agency and apply for part time work
  • I will do two paragraphs a day of writing: two days of creative exploration and three of journaling or exploration
  • I will finish one of my “in progress” books.
  • I will update the ROW80 blog on time for both the Round beginning (tomorrow) and the two check-ins

That’s all for the moment.  It’s enough, I think.  Progress is made in the continued small successes.

10 Responses to "Recovering a Sense of Self"

Welcome back to your ROW80 “Home.”

Nice simple goals!

Thanks, Shan. For the moment, this does seem the best pace for me to be. 🙂

Wow, this sounds very similar to what my 2019 was like, including a move! I’m so thankful I was able to take my job remote, but otherwise… yep. There is so much mental load involved in a move that goes far beyond the move itself, it just doesn’t leave much brainpower to be creative. I think your goals sound like a great way to ease back into the writing and other stuff – and good luck with the job hunt!

Thanks, Jennette, You have it SO right. The move goes on, long after the actual trucks have stopped and the boxes are broken down. Now we’re in the house sale mess… and it’s… exciting. Still crossing our fingers for you. I wonder if it isn’t harder to sell once you’ve moved…

Sometimes you need to focus on the tree rather than the whole forest. Because the tree seems like a reasonable thing to deal with while the forest is just too much.

I hope this weekly approach works for you!

Good point, Julie. Sometimes, focusing on the tree is good also because it’s the one thing keeping you from seeing the path. Thank you for reminding me of that.

This seems like a good way to go. Good luck with your goals!

Thanks, Fallon. I’m hoping this will get me on track again

I will add my agreement to everyone else. Sometimes it is best to focus on the small things, trusting that they will add up in the long term. You have had a lot of change, but remember good change is every bit as stressful as bad change. so be kind to yourself.

You make a great point about how change affects one no matter if it’s good or bad. Being kind to ourselves is key, but it’s not necessarily an excuse to slack off.

Sometimes the nicest thing we can do for ourselves is to allow ourselves to see what we’re capable of…

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