Posts Tagged ‘rants’
Life in limbo
At least, that’s how things seem to be lately. I mean, yes, I’ve been doing things… lots and lots of ‘things’. Most of those things involve time and activities with the Kidlet and the Hubby. And paperwork… lots and lots of paperwork too.
Emotionally I am in a bit of a funk because I realized (with some chagrin) that I’ll likely never achieve my dream of becoming a citizen of the UK. Want doesn’t really play a part in it… I mean, I want to very much. But logistically, I am not in a position to do such a thing and probably won’t be for so long that the feasibility of such a move goes down the toilet.
At least I get to live there vicariously for a few weeks at the end of this month. 🙂
But dreams of England aren’t the only things I’ve considered. Dreams of story are too. Trying to find them again, trying to reconnect to worlds that seem to be happy to fade into a distance of paying bills, planning budgets, driving, shopping for heavy-duty archeology trowels… and other people’s stories. Oh, that last one is actually a killer. I once thought I needed to read and see what others were writing and doing to fill my head with ideas and options, but… no. The more I immerse myself into the worlds of others (often without much enjoyment even), the harder it is to connect with my characters.
They’re like cats that way. They don’t take snubs well, and they don’t seem to get the idea that I’m just spending time elsewhere so I can be a better writer of their stories. I’m not even sure they care if I write their stories, just as long as I am dutifully enthralled by them. There’s a reason I used to think that Alanii’s alter-ego with feline. He’s corrected me on this matter many times, but… my cats are more like puppy-dogs than he is.
Which is why I took so long before setting out my ROW80 goals (today is officially the first day of Round 2 and I am just getting around to writing this post up)… I am still not sure what my goals are. I know how to set my goals, how to make them S.M.A.R.T., but I don’t know what I actually want to focus on or even achieve these days beyond get the “next thing done”. There seem to be so many next things, that I am driven to distraction just trying to get through a day. And when I do have those free moments that I once would have used for Those Five Sentences, I don’t write… I space out.
So, at least for this week (the nice thing about goals is that they can be adjusted), I have ONE goal:
Make a list of ten things I dream of doing and prioritize them by how much I want them, how long they will take to achieve and what steps I will need to follow to meet each one. And one caveat here… no “pay bills” goals here.
We’ll see where that gets me.
“Audacity, more audacity and always audacity.” by Georges Jacques Danton
If you’re online, you get spam some way, some how. From proclamations of wealth overseas to titillating your lover better than any other man (which always struck me as funny, for obvious reasons), most spam is a horrible waste of time and mental energy. And of course, the dangers of falling for the spammers’ tricks could fill several blog pages…
But did you know that spam could be fun? Or empowering?
Well, it can at least be somewhat fun. Read the rest of this entry »
What makes someone an underachiever?
It’s not as simple as throwing a few descriptive terms into the pot and stirring; I know that much. In this recipe everyone has his or her own specialty, a seasoning blend that stands out, marking one as a true “master of the craft”.
Problem is…it gives everyone who tries it indigestion.
This is the first in what may be a series of posts on paths: the ones we choose and the ones we end up on despite all our intentions. Nothing here is meant as a criticism to those who were involved in deciding my own path and/or helped direct me to where I am now. If anything, it’s a living testimony that the things that often seem so very terrible when they occur are the exact things we need. Read the rest of this entry »
I have so much to say, so much to write, I won’t do it. I love to write, but I am coming to the realization that I can’t do it all, nor that I should. I have better ways I want to spend my energy, even beyond giving myself something that I “want” so much.
Because I have come to dread the response that much. The response makes what was catharsis into work, demands explanations, creates work that I never realized I’d asked for. I realized a long time ago I didn’t like hosting huge dinners because I didn’t like cooking that much, clearing my kitchen to make way for the dishes, didn’t like trying to make small talk and didn’t like the clean up much after.
So why would I want to do the same in text form? So from now on I’m writing what sustains me, not preparing the tables at Old Country Buffet. This isn’t to say I won’t share. I just make no apologies if the chicken is too spicy or all I have to drink is lukewarm tea I watered down to make last longer. I like it that way, and if you don’t, well, no one told you that you had to eat here.
If you want to see what is on the menu today: http://wp.me/PAXu9-r A story of two tickles (though only one shows up for this part)